Hey, where is will anyway?

For reasons I cannot begin to guess, this seems like the choice spot to release a Tang Alert.

It has been a long time since I stuck a spoon filled with dried Tang in my mouth. It isn't like it used to be. The plastic containers give it a flatter taste. Also, it dissolves much faster these days, causing it to turn instantly into a gelatinous goo that will choke you! So if you try it, eat it in small doses, like a quarter of a teaspoon at a time. This has been an OlyBlog consumer public service announcement.

Now that the 71st anniversary of Bruno Hauptmann's execution is here, it is time to revive will_is_ok's words of wisdom. So refreshing to revisit.

"...we must find in solace in each others wise and reflective words."--V-ster, 6/29/06

"Wisdom such as this is to be cherished."--Sarah, 6/29/06

"Nice."--Rick, 1/26/06

In the Course of Events

Now that the anniversary of the 1980 death of Harry Truman of St. Helens is here, it is time to revive will_is_ok's words of wisdom. So refreshing, etc. to revisit.

Now that the anniversary of the Burr-Hamilton duel is here, it is time to revive will_is_ok's words of wisdom. So refreshing, etc. to revisit.

Now that the anniversary of the 1863 New York Draft Riots is here, it is time to revive will_is_ok's words of wisdom. So refreshing, etc. to revisit.

We seemed to have lost will yet again, so now it is more important than ever to revisit this thread.

I just read this disturbing article from the Denver Post. Naturally I had to run to this "Fudge" post for spiritual shelter.

C.S. Lewis wrote the following in 1959 on this day: "When we lose one blessing, another is often most unexpectedly given in its place"

How like will_is_ok's words of wisdom, "Fudge is good, but dont do like me and eat a half pound of it. It makes your feces the consistency of digested fudge." I'm sure you can see the connection.

So refreshing, etc. to revisit.

So I'm talking with this guy, you know, "the guy," and we get into one of those discussions normally reserved for college students when they are downing beer number 7 in a spartan apartment. All about perception, meaning of life, are we really ever able to get out of ourselves, Nietzsche, Camus, Sartre, blah blah blah. But both of us are in our 50s, and alcohol was not involved, so there really wasn't any excuse. I guess we both regressed due to the little bite of Fall in the air, reinvigorating our lungs and giving our memories of those undergraduate years a chance to awake. So we were play-acting, and I admit a bit of the alpha male thing surfaced, as we tried to outdo each other in abstractions.

As the discussion grew more heated, "the guy" took offense at something I said and started to shake. His eyes got that lighthouse stare and then I heard the soft sort of squeaking sound that I associate with a lightbulb being unscrewed. To my astonishment, "the guy"'s head was turning completely around and around until it disengaged from his body and fell on the floor.

It landed with a sickening sort of splat sound, like a Halloween pumpkin being thrown onto the street by delinquent monkeys. Then the head softly split into evenly divided halves. It was then I realized at some point in our previous discussion, when the subject of class warfare came up, he had mentioned the halves and halves-nots.

Inside one of the open halves was a tiny little man inside a plastic-form-fitted shell. He was wired up as if he had been controlling the brain functions of "the guy" all this time. He was convulsing and jerking as little blue sparks occasionally shot out from behind him. And here's the weird part, the tiny man had my face!!! Talk about making this all about me!

When things like this happen, I like to think about will_is_ok's wise words in this "Fudge" post. So refreshing, etc. to revisit.

I have 4 cats. Recently, I heard one of them in the next room scratching in the litter box. I knew exactly which one it was, because the other 3 were in the room with me. It was a process of elimination.

Heh. Get it?

You do? But your face hasn't changed expression.

It is at times like this, when puns fail miserably, that I need to revive will_is_ok's words of wisdom. So refreshing, etc. to revisit.

Did I miss the memo that was circulated by the Olympia fashion maven ravens saying that wearing cat ears on your hood or hat is now passé?

Also, in a marginally-related-but-not-really observation, I was walking through Das Kapital Mall, navigating and winding my way through the main pedestrian corridor between those little cell phone stands where young men with identical cell phone salesmen haircuts (can't you see yourself going to the barber: "Give me the Cell Phone Salesman cut, please") hawk their wares like carnies, when I saw to my horror, and this is no lie, really, I'm not making this up, a television screen composed of dynamic little picture elements forming the image of a caiman! I stood transfixed, experiencing a mixture of emotions. Meanwhile, innocent people were walking by, taking the image in for a brief moment and then going on their way. I think this is called "social engineering." and they are attempting to engineer us into accepting being their next meal! And it would make sense that the ubiquitous cell phone is somehow connected with this. I only hope we can connect the dots before all is lost!

My companion shook me out of my trance and now I am running here, to the safety and comfort of the "Fudge" post.

Whew.

...this has to be one of the funniest threads ever.

all my troubles were so far away ... Oh, sorry. let me start again.

Yesterday. I was taking in that heady University of Washington air, just being a background character, when I heard someone say this:

"I take it all back, but I don't apologize for my knowledge."

Meanwhile, after having read some literature that was generously given to me on the street by some grim-faced young citizens, I have come to the conclusion that L. Ron Hubbard is alive and well and now operating under the name "Lyndon LaRouche." Very clever.

Moving on, please, I understand some scientists have discovered how to grow mango trees in salty water. But the only experimental plot of these was destroyed during the Katrina disaster. When rescue teams came in, of course they put human needs first, as they should have. But there was one dedicated curator of the trees who pleaded, "Man go to the mangled mango mangrove!"

Say that real fast.

OK, I'm in flush-out-my-cranium mode this morning. Creepy Crawlers. Some of you have to remember those babies. My brother had the set up and for some reason the smell of the cooking plasticgoop came to mind. I wonder if something in my house is slowly burning?

Can Superman get drunk? I mean, if he's invulernable to earthly dangers, does that include alcohol? And if he can get blitzed, what kind of drunk would he be? I'm not sure I'd want to be around in any event. Also, are the people of Metropolis a bunch of morons? Do you expect me to believe that the staff of the Daily Planet who see both Superman and Clark Kent on a regular basis are unable to recognize that these two individuals are one and the same? That must be some real top-notch newspaper with a lot of critical thinking behind those news stories. Plus, does Superman go through some moral ambivalence when he fights for "Truth Justice and the American Way"? Just what does that mean in 2008? And finally, the whole Bizarro/Nixon thing still bothers me.

Crocodilians apparently have the ability to move their lungs around while under water, making them more efficient at being murderous killing machines.

Meanwhile, like a sliver of glass that embeds itself into your hand and comes out the other side years later, or, like an airplane that crashes into a Rainier glacier and then resurfaces in grotesque twisted chunks of metal, I had a memory emerge from nowhere. Steve and Eydie. God bless 'em, they still live today. 

So there was this kid, he was Canadian

(not that that has anything to do with what I am about to tell you, but I felt it was worth sharing just in case it becomes important at a later date. Everything connects eventually)

and he was the winner of a Curly Howard lookalike contest, a fact of which he was very proud. And who wouldn't be?

(Update: I think he was from somewhere in Ontario. But not Toronto)

But here's the sad part. Whenever he tried to imitate Curly, which seems to be almost genetic for almost all males, he always came off like Gunther Toody from Car 54 Where Are You?

He, of course, thought he was doing an excellent Curly the whole time. No one had the heart to tell him otherwise.

If it wasn't so tragic it would be funny.

Now how this post and thread can go from:

fudge is good, but dont do like me and eat a half pound of it. It makes your feces the consistency of digested fudge

which was posted over two years ago to Gunther Toody is very odd.

It would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.

The spring frost and the morning muted sun

Had turned all the colors to pastel.

A fresh gift from an old season as it died.

For a moment I cursed the cold.

Then realized I was the April Fool

And embraced the cool air.

When Steelhead Trout try to fly on an airline to, say, Puerto Rico, do they set off the metal detector when they attempt to board?

I had a dream that my cat Buster was scratching at the door to be let outside. But someone was telling me, "Don't let him out, there's a moron out there!" So I looked through the window and saw a monsoon. "You moron," I exclaimed, "It's a not a moron, it's a monsoon!"  Then I woke up. And Buster was right at my face, purring. 

What does this mean? I suspect he was feeding my dreams.

Cats can do that you know.

First, I found myself singing, for no apparent reason, the "I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner" song. And then I stopped myself, realizing that I could easily be an Oscar Meyer weiner and no one would be the wiser. And when I really started thinking about it, I got grossed out. What an incredibly weird ad campaign. I still want to drive the Oscar Meyer weinermobile, though.

Also, one of my cats, Spooky, likes to rub his teeth against my nose (gnawing as he goes) and as he does so he sings a little trill. You can call it a gnaws trill. Heh. Get it?

This question has the potential to rip OlyBlog apart but I'm going to ask it anyway since it needs to be asked:

Just what exactly are hot dogs made out of anyway?

No Heston jokes, please.

I'd like to say I'm all ears, but obviously I can't. 

Whenever I attempt to address this subject I find that my post gts rthlssl dsmmvwlld b snstr forcs, tht s t s-- TH CMN MSTR!!!

Also, I experience a mild electrical shock via the keyboard when I start commenting on the topic of algae *aargh* and *ouch!* oil. There it goes again. These guys play hardball.

As for Sarah, I understand she won't be posting anytime in the next day or two as she suddenly left the country for Central America after reading your post. Or at least that is what my sources tell me.

When and if she responds, I'm sure it'll involve the word "er," as in: "I, er, had to go investigate." As we old time comic book readers, the use of the word "er" is a telltale sign of guilt.

...yet I fear the "will" is gone.

Every time I come back to this thread and read the author's koan like observation, I am in awe of the raw insight and blatant subtlety of "It makes your feces the consistency of digested fudge."

Once again, my mind is blown. Isn't feces always the consistency of what has been digested? Or is our master - yea, some might call him that - pointing out the poo-like quality of fudge itself, for some undiscovered reason?

Sorry to hijack the hijack. In fudge we trust.... 

The Caiman Conspiracy has been overshadowed by a tentacled nightmare lurking off our coast worthy of Lovecraft.

Reptiles have has their day in the Sun. Cepholpods are the wave of the future. Say hello to your evolutionary Masters you hideously clever naked apes.

Save yourself and your children. Offer up cuttlefish as holocausts.

PS I've heard Octopii actually invented fudge but Squid took the credit. Caimen haven't invented shit! Long Live Cepholpods!

the potential of a collaboration between caimans and squids makes me want to dig a hole and bury myself. But there are several advantages the caimans of the FLOD (Fetid Lake Of Doom, aka Capitol Lake) have over squids. They can exist, and kill, both underwater and on dry ground. The Olympia Caimans can walk on two legs and "pass" as humans as they gather data. I don't know this for sure, but I'm guessing they can consume Olympia citizens at a faster rate than squids.

OK, now I have to reveal a sordid truth. Someone highly placed within the caiman conspiracy, so highly placed that I have to wonder at his motives, secretly and at great risk to his own safety, shared this article with me about a caiman that stands on two legs. Today, the link still works. Tomorrow, who knows? And, I'm still wondering why this was sent to me. A trap, perhaps?

Caimans. Giant Squids. The poor nutria of the FLOD are in the first line of defense.

"The miscreant mosquito missed his coat in the mesquite," misquoted Miss Muskie.

Repeat this as a mantra today and after several hours you will be ready to read will's words of wisdom in their true splendor.

The Liberian Librarian is a Libertarian Breatharian. Say that one fast.

I lost my Internet connection this entire week due to the bad intra-communication of a certain telephone company called CenturyTel. All I did was ask for voicemail, and they managed to cut my DSL in the process. It took many phone calls to get me back. And at first I had to deal with rude people who denied there was any problem-- suggesting it must be my fault. But they finally admitted their mistake.

Yet I still don't have voicemail. After a week of asking for it! We'll see if I get a bill for this nonservice.

There are parts of the public sector more screwed up than the private and vice versa. Neither is a monolith. To generalize is simplistic. But this week, in my experience, the scales have tipped in favor of the public sector by default. To me, at least this week, in words my daughter's generation would use, the private sector really sucks.

It i